This is a guest post from a friend, “Captain”, who travels frequently to the Caribbean for work took a trip to Haiti with Delta and the Haiti Department of tourism to explore the country, people, culture and get a sense of how this country is recovering from a devastating earthquake in 2010.

This is a rant based on my travels the past 9 days. Just a little background on my status. I am Executive Platinum on American flying 125,000 to 150,000 miles a year. Obviously most of those miles are on American but I occasionally fly US Air, United, Jetblue or Delta. The reason for this loyalty is my location of Miami and my job as export manager. The majority of my destinations are serviced directly from Miami on American. Until this week, I had not mixed US carriers into one trip in a really long time or maybe ever. However the past two weeks, my schedule was crazy and it forced me to take 6 Delta flights and 2 American. I have zero status on Delta but I do carry a Delta SkyMiles Delta Reserve card that gives me a free bag and maybe something else that I missed. My status with American gives me pretty much anything I want. That list of offerings must include a broken neck.

After flying Delta and having my own personal TV in the headrest in front of me, the Apple 2E mounted to the ceiling in American’s old ass 757, stood out more than normal. I guess AA does such a good job at getting me drunk off cheap wine that they don’t think I will notice only being able to see half the screen from the window seat. If I wanted to see the latest version of NBC’s hit show Community, I had two choices. I could either nestle up to the bosoms of the nice lady seated next to me, or I could slide down in my seat doing my best Jackie Chan impersonation. Option one seemed more interesting so I gradually tilted my neck, being careful not to give the wrong impression and find myself in a compromising position. Oh hell, I’m not going to lie, I got as close as I could.

American, come on, let’s be real. These TV’s are only acceptable if you complete the retro feel with actual throwback movies. How about some Fast Times at Rigemont High? Ferris Bueller’s Day Off? 16 Candles? History of the World Part 1?

As we were about to land Leslie, Ben and Chris solved the government shutdown from the Pawnee Fair in something called Parks and Recreation. All was good in the world….. Except that I couldn’t straighten my neck back up. As I went to shut down my electronic devices, I had to tilt my entire body to the side and twist it similar to a robot. In order to carry my backpack off the plane, I had to loosen one strap so that the weight was dispersed properly positioning my line of sight.

So a big thank you to American Airlines for all of my “Perks”. Feel free to add 1 broken neck somewhere between 2 free bags and unlimited domestic upgrades.

I understand that you have new slogan “The new American is arriving”. I would think that using your slogan from 1976-1984 would suit your planes and their TV’s a little more accurately “We’re American Airlines. Doing what we do best”.

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